Meet the One with the Naked Boob

Sometimes people don’t believe me when I tell this story, but I swear on a stack of s’mores Pop-Tarts that it’s true.

I have one of those first names that can be either male or female.  As a result, I’ve had my share of candidates who didn’t necessarily know whether to expect a male or female when I set up the interview via email.  Usually, it didn’t matter, but there was this one time…

The candidate (let’s call her Brandi) turned heads as soon as she walked in.  These weren’t high-glam jobs, so we often had candidates show up in jeans.  No big deal.  But this one had acid-washed jeans that were, like, shrink-wrapped to her body.  Then there was the tank top, which was the size of a hanky, held up by straps that looked like dental floss.    Brandi was what used to be called full-figured, so that poor little tank top had its work cut out for it.

So Brandi flops over to the receptionist, and says, “I’m here to see Kerry.”  The receptionist says, “Okay, I’ll let her know you’re here.”  Brandi says, “What do you mean, ‘her?’  Kerry’s a GIRL?”  The receptionist says, “Uh, yeah.”  Brandi rolls her eyes and mutters, “Oh, for pluck’s sake.  I got all dressed up.”  Only she didn’t say pluck.  She said a word that rhymes with pluck.

That’s never a good way to start, y’know?

So the receptionist comes into my office and tells me this all this.  I’m like, okay, well, this probably isn’t worth the 45 minutes I scheduled, but whatever.

So I come out to get Brandi, and she’s still visibly annoyed that she wore her best getup for nothing.  Also, her eyes were dilated, and she was clearly a little off.  I introduced myself, and then we walked back to my office.

I walked around to my side of the desk as she was putting her purse down, so I was already seated when Brandi went to sit down herself.  I’m not sure what her issue was, but she apparently significantly misjudged the distance between herself and the chair, so when she sat down, she sat down HARD.

And the dental floss strap on her tank top broke.

And her boob popped out.

And she did not notice.

At first I thought maybe she was just frozen in shock—but no.  You could tell by her face that she was truly cluefree.  I sat there for a good ten seconds waiting for her to feel the breeze or something.  Nope.  Nothing.

Now, there are a lot of classes you can take when you’re an HR person.  You can take classes on FMLA, and conducting interviews, and investigating harassment, and filling out forms…but nobody offers a class that tells you what to do when a giant boob pops out in your face.

So, right or wrong, here’s what I did:  I said, “Umm, Brandi, I think your boob just popped out.”

And she looked down, rolled her eyes like I had asked her to do something completely unreasonable, and pulled the flap of the remains of her tank top up and held it there.  Then she looked at me, annoyed, like, “NOW what the hell do you want from me?”

I told her I thought maybe it would be best if we rescheduled the interview, since this might be a little awkward, with her having to hold her top up and all.  I suggested she call me to reschedule (thinking surely she’d never actually do it).  She rolled her eyes again, said, “Fine, whatever,” and left without another word.

Shockingly, Brandi DID call, the very next day.  I told her the position was filled (which was true—the one that came in after her got the job).  She said, “Fine, whatever, that’s discrimination anyway, and I’m totally going to report you.”  Then she hung up on me.

I never heard from her again…which sucks, because I would have loved to know which government agency takes complaints of boob discrimination.

Tales of the Cluefree appear pretty much every Friday.  Past stories are here.

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12 Responses

  1. HR Minion 7 years ago
  2. Eliz 7 years ago
  3. Susanne 7 years ago
  4. Kim 7 years ago
  5. Kerry 7 years ago
  6. Sadistic Manager 7 years ago
  7. Dawn Bugni 7 years ago
  8. HR Good_Witch 7 years ago
  9. Rachel - I Hate HR 7 years ago
  10. Marianne 7 years ago
  11. Jim Butler 6 years ago
  12. Phil 6 years ago
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