I got an email yesterday from a reader that said:
“Way too serious with the posts last week. Hope you’re going to lighten up soon.”
And, since I’m all about reader satisfaction, I’m not going to rant today about customizing resumes or resume buzzword BS (well, except maybe on Twitter). Instead, I’m going to share with you the last few months’ worth of search strings people have used to find me, because the last time I did this it turned out to be my #2 most popular post of all time…and I’m not about to question your taste in posts.
- Should I take cookies to the job interview? No. That’s dorky. Just show up on time and answer the questions…unless the I’m the interviewer, in which case, make the oatmeal butterscotch ones that are on the back of the bag of butterscotch chips. None of that nonfat-recipe-with-the-applesauce crap either, okay?
- 3 way before interview. Ummmm, okay. I don’t really know what to say to that. Not in the parking lot, though, okay? Because they can see you through the glass. Not everyone realizes that. I’ve seen people do things in the car before the interview that would blow your mind.
- 43 things actually said in job interview. You’re probably looking for this. It’s funny.
- Do dumb people know they’re dumb? No. The way they find out is that they type questions into Google.
- Does a photo belong on a resume? If you’re in the United States, no. We don’t do that here. In fact, we get a little weirded out by that, so if you international folks are looking for a job over here, leave the photo (and the marital status and health and height and weight and date of birth) off of your resume.
- Does going on unemployment show up on your permanent record? Yes, along with your blood type and the time in eighth grade you wrote “I [heart] Roger Taylor” in hot pink ink on every single page of every single textbook that Lemon Grove Junior High issued to you. Not that I am confessing to that or anything.
- Kerry Sandberg sucks. I included this on the last list, but I didn’t spell out something that I thought was pretty obvious: When you type stuff into a search engine and then click through to a site, the owner of that site can see your IP address and company name and exact location. I have this ex-employee who, instead of bookmarking this site or just typing the name in, Googles “Kerry Sandberg sucks” from work every time she wants to come here and spend 45 minutes. It’s a delicious combination of passive-aggressive and cluefree, and it makes my day every time she does it.
- Giving out social security freelance Craigslist. GAH! Don’t do that. Get a Tax ID Number. It’s not foolproof either, but it’s better than giving your Social Security number to strangers.
- How best to clue up a job interview. I can’t think of a single way to do that, but I am totally adopting the phrase “clue up.” That’s brilliant.
- How to end job interview. I knew of someone who interviewed a candidate who was apparently so nervous (or sick, or hungover) that he threw up on the interviewer. That pretty much ended it.
- How to outsource your own job without the employer knowing. That’s really charming. Also, you’re a weenie.
- I give my own job references. Hey, you’re charming too. You should hook up with #11. You could make little weenie babies together.
- Interview question to separate dumb people. Dude, if I knew the secret to ferreting out the dumb people before hiring them, I would be on the Today Show right now hawking my book, instead of sitting here in my ratty Minnesota North Stars t-shirt and pajama pants, drinking Diet Coke and typing up a blog post.
- Interviewer ask if you were a salad and were about to be eaten, what would you do? Okay, well, there’s your interview question to separate out the dumb people right there. Call the Today Show. Because only someone really dumb would ask a question like that.
- Is it good to give corny answers during interviews. Now why would that seem like a good idea?
- Let me see your ass in interview. That’s bad. Don’t work there. It’s only going to get worse if you take the job.
- Professional email addresses that are still cute. There are no professional email addresses that are still cute. You know what’s cute? Using your real name.
- Should you tell people at work about a future interview? I know someone who did that, and the person she told ended up going after the job himself and got it. There’s no good reason to tell people you have a job interview.
- Stealing supplies interview question. The correct answer to all questions about stealing is “No. Stealing is bad.”
- Advice put a post-it note on your resume. I didn’t actually know what this was about, so I Googled it myself, and I found this. Since I’m supposed to be lightening up, I won’t rant about all the reasons this is total crap. But you can probably imagine the rant if you try hard enough.
- There is so many ways you can tell your mom you got a job interview. I didn’t realize there were so many ways. Thank you for sharing that with us.
- Things to do when you’re high on the internet. Honestly, if you’re getting high just to Google stuff…well, that’s just a waste.
- What do you say on a voice mail greeting to make people feel dumb? You could do that one trick that I’ve seen candidate do, where they voice mail starts out with, “Hello?” as though you answered the phone. Then when I start talking, it says, “Hello? Hello? Just kidding, I’m not here.” Because that’s charming. Recruiters love that. Really.
- What is my weakness + job WTF how do you answer that? I think your weakness might be adding “WTF” to your search strings. Clue: Google is not a person, so it’s not necessary to ask it WTF. It doesn’t actually know WTF your weakness is. That’s what I’m here for. You’re welcome.
- What is the jibberish at the bottom of Craigslist ads? It’s a sign that it’s spam. They do that to beat the filters. No legitimate employer has any reason to add stuff at the bottom like that.
- What to say when a job interviewer asks them to tell a joke. Seriously? People are asking people to tell jokes in interview? I mean, it’s not as bad as the question where you pretend you’re a salad, but geez.
- Fighting the empire back get a clue Kerry. Note to the ex-employee in #7—how come you can’t display this kind of creativity? Let’s work on that, okay?
Photo by abolotnov