Meet the One Who Hired The Worst Resume Writer Ever

Meet the One Who Hired The Worst Resume Writer Ever

by Kerry Scott on 4 September 2009

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About 10 years ago, I got a resume from a guy who was applying for a travel agent position.  It was (and still is) the Worst Resume I’ve Ever Seen.

This thing was a masterpiece.  It was like a thesaurus threw up on a piece of magenta resume paper. So, for example, instead of “Used Microsoft Excel to produce budget reports,” it said, “Exert authority over numerical symbols juxtaposed upon an electronic gridlike structure, propagating allocation paradigms for narrative demonstrations of capitalization.”  It was five pages long, even though the guy was only a few years out of high school.

It made no sense. It was completely unreadable. The font was some sort of script like the one they use on wedding invitations. I mentioned the magenta resume paper too, right?

But the best part was at the bottom of each page. It had this:

(c) 1998 Acme Resume Service.  All Right Reserved.  To get your own unique resume, call us at (414) 555-1212

Seriously.  They copyrighted this guy’s resume, and put an ad on the bottom.  Then he sent it out like that.

Clue:  If you’re going to hire a resume writer, make sure they’re good.  Make sure they don’t use magenta paper, script fonts, or thesauri.  And make sure there’s no ad at the bottom.

Tales of the Cluefree appear pretty much every Friday. Past stories are here.

Photo by SOCIALisBETTER

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{ 7 comments }

HR Minion September 4, 2009 at 8:02 am

But it stood out, right? That counts for something, right? :) That’s funny!
.-= HR Minion´s last blog ..Dumbing it down =-.

Ben Eubanks September 4, 2009 at 8:09 am

That is completely awesome. I’m a fan of fuchsia, but not magenta. :-D
.-= Ben Eubanks´s last blog ..If Batman was in HR =-.

TheHRD September 4, 2009 at 8:35 am

The mind boggles that someone would even submit that thinking it was acceptable. Nothing goes to show how we are all heading for extinction more than a stupid person.

Personal favourite was the job seeker that sent a spark plug in a box with a lable on which contained his cv, headlined “bright spark”. 10 out of 10 for effort, but 11 out of 10 for sickly sweetness……
.-= TheHRD´s last blog ..What if? =-.

novice-hr September 4, 2009 at 10:49 am

wow.. that’s pretty funny. I feel bad for that person having to pay for that kind of service.
.-= novice-hr´s last blog ..Big disappointment… =-.

Carla September 4, 2009 at 9:20 pm

I wonder if English was a VERY second language for him. It almost sounds like a joke!
.-= Carla´s last blog ..Giveaway: Eco-Friendly Alternative to Paper Towels – SKOY Cloths =-.

larryheard September 9, 2009 at 8:04 pm

Wakekekekekeke… so true, probably this guy didn’t know how it is and probably he doesn’t understand what he’s doing. Holding that application alone would encourage me to trash it, way to thick from the start. Now how to write a resume? Just keep it clean and professional. No grammar errors, no I and me statement, and use specific figures when you can. Keep your qualification relevant to the position you’re applying to.

Debbie September 20, 2009 at 3:55 pm

As a Professional Resume Writer, it appalls me to think another writer would even think about inserting a watermark like that! Or use language like that, as most HR people don’t want to have to pull out a dictionary to understand what they are reading (and won’t- they’ll pass it around for a laugh and then toss it)! The point of hiring a resume writer should be to highlight your most marketable skills in an easy to read format- that does not mean fancy fonts and magenta colored paper!

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