Comments on: Long-Lost Relatives: Good or Bad?

By: Kerry Scott

Kerry Scott — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:56:01 +0000

I think it’s up to you to as to whether you want to initiate contact. If you do, though, keep your expectations low. If she doesn’t have contact with her family, there’s probably a reason for that, and whether it’s a valid one or not, that’s her choice. Since you’ve never talked to her, that reason likely has nothing to do with you, so it’s not personal…but it’s likely that if she doesn’t talk to her close relatives, she probably doesn’t want the awkwardness of talking to extended family who are in touch with those close relatives.

The same is true for the uncle; there are usually reasons for people being long-lost, so don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back from him.

Good luck!

By: Angie

Angie — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 15:51:46 +0000

Hi all…. Need advice. I just moved back to My home state after living away for a decade. I am thinking about contacting my long lost cousin for no good reason other to say ‘hi’. I keep thinking about her and even had a dream last night where I thought I learned about her crazy past. I have been sad about her for years after hearing she is estranged from her own family, although my father has contact with her siblings. I have never talked to this girl as an adult, and feel this would be quite awkward, but I generally want to get closer to my extended family. I have always kinda been that weird, shy girl that was overlooked, so maybe I should just try to get more involved in the family reunions and such???

Also, I have a long lost uncle on my mother’s side. I really wanted for a long time to contact him , but I hope you are getting my point that I’m not ready to act as a family representative

Any thought here would be appreciated

By: Kerry Scott

Kerry Scott — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:18:46 +0000

I think it’s your brothers’ right to decide to be in touch…but it’s also your right to decide not to have any part of this, and they need to respect that. There’s no right or wrong answer in this stuff.

One thing about siblings is that even though you’re in the same family, you experience your family differently, depending on exactly when you came along, who was there and who came later, what age you were when bad stuff was happening, etc. So sometimes siblings have very different experiences in a family, and their feelings are different as a result.

By: musicmuse

musicmuse — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 16:32:25 +0000

Hey,
I’m with you! After divorce, my father’s side of the family never bothered to know us. Especially painful since my mother’s parents put their father and mother up when their house burned down.
While my mother struggled to feed three of us with no support from him, his family never called or checked in on us. Now, my brothers are contacting this crew of idiots and asking me along. This has been going on for a year and a half now….I have been direct stating that I don’t want to know them…
what could they possibly add to my life except heartache. There are also 4 half siblings that didn’t know we existed. Should we all get together to celebrate the lying rat bastard that was my dad? But sure enough there marches my younger brother off to meet them all…..if he wants to meet them fine but I wish he’d stop telling me about it. It hurts.

By: George Farris

George Farris — Fri, 20 May 2011 01:59:19 +0000

Dear Ziggy:

Somewhat belatedly I discovered your postings. We are each the result of our own experiences and environments. When I read of the revelations to which you’ve only recently become aware, my heart went out to you.

While you lacked initial knowledge of your uncle it does seem that you had contact with your father. Relationships are seldom simple, and memories can often be quite painful. Maybe the subject of your father’s youth is painful for him. Perhaps you should devote your time to reenergizing your relationship with your father, and from such a renewal, information may flow to offer you the opportunity to build a bridge with your uncle.

My parents were separated before my birth, and a few years later my mother took me to California where she remarried. Then when returning after three combat tours I decided it was time we met. As a result our first meeting only transpired when I was a 23 year-old veteran with before I ever met my father. Yes, it was awkward at the beginning, but I was determined to keep an open mind. If not a traditional relationship we formed a cordial relationship, which has meant so much to me as years go by.

Ironically, my father had a brother whom I never met. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling it was a question of my father shielding me rather than isolating me. Since that time I have contacted cousins and in most cases have been warmly welcomed, and developed lasting friendships.

Ziggy, I can only advise you to listen to your heart, temper it with reason, and don’t let a chance go by that will you to ask, “What if only I had?”

Best of luck, but beyond that, know intentions for your success will be included in my prayers.

By: George Farris

George Farris — Thu, 19 May 2011 21:04:50 +0000

I’m always excited, but it can get get a little dicey if their pedigree has some major flaws in it. Still, you snooze, you lose! I’d rather be sorry for something I did, than something I didn’t do.

By: Kerry Scott

Kerry Scott — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 20:49:53 +0000

I think anytime you get major new info about who you are, it can be difficult to process. It will be interesting to see how things go with your dad and his half-brother.

By: Ziggy

Ziggy — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 02:24:21 +0000

I just do not understand why my father did not tell me about him. He had the last 32 years to tell me. This reminds me of how one who is adopted finds out many years later that they have another family, their biological family. I can not imagine what they would go through.

By: Kerry Scott

Kerry Scott — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 12:15:58 +0000

Holy cow. That’s deep. I can definitely understand that being hard to process (and your feelings about it might change a few times over time).

Man, families are complicated.

By: Ziggy

Ziggy — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 04:20:00 +0000

I have some new news to tell you all and the news does not involve my step-siblings. My biological father messaged me on faebook tonight telling me he found his half brother on facebook in another state that is probably 1200 miles away. I have never heard of this half brother and had no idea I have a uncle. Whoa, talk about shocking. I asked my father, “why did you not tell me about your brother?”, his reply, “I did not know where he was so I did not think it was a big deal.” I have some mixed feelings about this and now totally understand how people feel who have found (are) long lost or never known about relatives. Kinda ironic that I was wanting to connect with my step-siblings and now I found out I have a uncle. hmmm life is interesting