Listen. If the Centers for Disease Control think that the zombie apocalypse is worth preparing for, I think it’s time we talked about it. This is the sort of serious discussion you won’t get on any other genealogy blog. You’re welcome.
Here’s why I think genealogists should welcome the zombie apocalypse:
- It’s full of dead people. We like dead people. Duh.
- We don’t have to look for people in the census and wonder why they’re not there. They’ll be here, trying to eat our brains. It’s very mountain-comes-to-Mohammed. In fact, my plan is to put out a sign that says, “FREE BRAINS!” so they’ll come to me. I’m lazy like that.
- No more stomping around huge cemeteries looking for your ancestor’s grave. You drive up to the front gate, roll down the window, yell, “Yo, Uncle Al, you there?” and the dude pops right out of the grave. I’m going to save a fortune in bug spray alone.
- No need to call in sick to work when you’ve really just stayed up all night on a research binge and are too tired to go to work (and don’t even try to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about here). If you don’t show up for work, they’ll just assume that you were waylaid by zombies. No big deal.
- Brains have protein. Everyone knows that protein stays with you a long time, so you can research longer. It also helps build muscles, including the ones you use to crank microfilm and lift heavy reference books. Even if the zombies DO get you, you can still do research.
- We’re used to being locked indoors with computers and records and stuff, so hiding inside from the zombies is a piece of cake for us. All those obnoxious outdoorsy people who go running and biking and stuff? They’ll be the first to go. We dorky shut-ins will be the last hope of humanity. Who’s making fun of me for spending the entire afternoon looking at city directories on a perfect 72 degree day NOW, hmmmmm?
- Zombies can’t bite you if you hold up your copy of Evidence Explained. It’s too thick for them to bite through. Source citations save lives, people.
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