7 Reasons The Zombie Apocalypse Would Be Good For Genealogists

7 Reasons The Zombie Apocalypse Would Be Good For Genealogists

by Kerry Scott on 28 June 2011

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Listen.  If the Centers for Disease Control think that the zombie apocalypse is worth preparing for, I think it’s time we talked about it.  This is the sort of serious discussion you won’t get on any other genealogy blog.  You’re welcome.

Here’s why I think genealogists should welcome the zombie apocalypse:

  1. It’s full of dead people.  We like dead people.  Duh.
  2. We don’t have to look for people in the census and wonder why they’re not there.  They’ll be here, trying to eat our brains.  It’s very mountain-comes-to-Mohammed.  In fact, my plan is to put out a sign that says, “FREE BRAINS!” so they’ll come to me.  I’m lazy like that.
  3. No more stomping around huge cemeteries looking for your ancestor’s grave.  You drive up to the front gate, roll down the window, yell, “Yo, Uncle Al, you there?” and the dude pops right out of the grave.  I’m going to save a fortune in bug spray alone.
  4. No need to call in sick to work when you’ve really just stayed up all night on a research binge and are too tired to go to work (and don’t even try to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about here).  If you don’t show up for work, they’ll just assume that you were waylaid by zombies.  No big deal.
  5. Brains have protein.  Everyone knows that protein stays with you a long time, so you can research longer. It also helps build muscles, including the ones you use to crank microfilm and lift heavy reference books.  Even if the zombies DO get you, you can still do research.
  6. We’re used to being locked indoors with computers and records and stuff, so hiding inside from the zombies is a piece of cake for us.  All those obnoxious outdoorsy people who go running and biking and stuff?  They’ll be the first to go.  We dorky shut-ins will be the last hope of humanity.  Who’s making fun of me for spending the entire afternoon looking at city directories on a perfect 72 degree day NOW, hmmmmm?
  7. Zombies can’t bite you if you hold up your copy of Evidence Explained. It’s too thick for them to bite through. Source citations save lives, people.
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Debi June 28, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Hahahahahahaha! You’ve outdone yourself this time, Kerry. I do love that you’re always looking at the positive :-)

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Ginger Smith June 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm

OMG I fell out of my chair so I’m already ROFL…Thanks Kerry

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Suzanne Lucas June 28, 2011 at 2:25 pm

This may be the absolute best genealogy post ever written. EVER. I’m going to find a way to use it in church the next time I have to teach a lesson the importance of family history work.

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Cheryl Cayemberg June 28, 2011 at 2:55 pm

You’ve done it again, Kerry! I love it! A must share!

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Elyse Doerflinger June 28, 2011 at 2:55 pm

OMG THIS IS AWESOME. This is definitely one of the best blog posts I’ve ever read!

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Rosemary June 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Luv, luv luv it.

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Kate Foote June 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

First of all, Elizabeth S. Mills should give you a percentage, since those who don’t already own Evidence Explained will now have to run out and buy it. (I, of course, already have mine.) You, dear lady, are the perfect example of Genealogists having fun… as opposed to photos of several (who shall remain anonymous) conference attendees singing “I’m My Own Grandpaw”, at 3 AM, somewhere in the vicinity of Jamboree! Keep it comin’, Kerry – you have a gift!

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Jen Holik-Urbana June 28, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Absolutely a fantastic post! Love it!

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Debbie June 28, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Even my husband liked this genealogy post. His eyes didn’t glaze over when I read the title and he even stayed with me through the bullet points!

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Caroline Gurney June 28, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Absolutely brilliant, Kerry.

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Kerry Scott June 28, 2011 at 4:37 pm

You people are either extraordinarily kind or have terrible taste in blog posts…but either way, thank you.

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Leslie Lawson June 28, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Great post, Kerry! Of course we love dead people! Duh!

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Fran June 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm

It has all been said. Loved the post and the giggle.

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Rachel - Former HR Blogger June 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Libraries are a great place to hide out due to the usual lack of windows. Also, you already know all of the dark secret rooms that other library goers have no clue exists.

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Kerry Scott June 28, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Oooo, yes. Like bomb shelters for people geeky enough to know about them. I like it.

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Susan Tiner June 28, 2011 at 7:13 pm

You’re funny. I especially like the traffic sign with the hand coming up out of the earth. But my favorite part about how the mountain comes to Mohammed.

Do you have sunshine there? We don’t have any here. My friend and I tried going out for a bike ride this morning because a) it’s California, b) it’s almost July and c) we’ve been talking about taking a ride for four years. So, we finally made a date, I packed a picnic lunch, and we went out riding only to … get deluged!

So, if you have sunshine there, will you please leave your office and go outside for me?

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Kerry Scott June 28, 2011 at 7:33 pm

We finally have sunshine after the worst spring and summer in the whole time I’ve lived in Milwaukee. Unfortunately, I’m swamped and outside isn’t an option…and although I joked about the city directories, I haven’t had a chance to do any actual genealogy stuff in several months. That’s why I’m writing about zombies instead of real stuff. Things are crazy here at Clue Wagon Worldwide Headquarters.

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Kate Foote June 30, 2011 at 9:33 am

Hey, isn’t it Summerfest time in Milwaukee? Or is it another time? I was born in Kenosha, raised in Racine, and hun, I went to the “original” Summerfest! Those were the days when things were not so fancy, but the bands were fantastic! Earth, Wind, & Fire, Mommas & Pappas, Led Zeplin, wish I could remember them all. No chairs, we’d sit on the grass, wave our Bic’s, and smoke… ah… Marlboroughs! :) Get outside, Kerry, Milwaukee can be such fun!

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Kerry Scott June 30, 2011 at 9:35 am

Summerfest just opened yesterday (although it’s not really my cup of tea…very very crowded). I’m getting outside with my kids though (because if I don’t, they riot, and that’s even noisier than Summerfest!)

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Daphne Garrison June 28, 2011 at 10:46 pm

This is pure awesome.

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brenda June 28, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Brilliant. My kinda humour. Never lose it.

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Elizabeth P June 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

I love it! Just last weekend I think I accumulated every deer tick in the county whilst taking photos for findagrave, it would be so much easier!

“Who’s making fun of me for spending the entire afternoon looking at city directories on a perfect 72 degree day NOW, hmmmmm?”
So True!

Thanks for the laugh!

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Taneya June 29, 2011 at 11:00 pm

This is great!!!! Love it! :-)

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Jo Graham June 30, 2011 at 1:17 am

Ha ha – we research geeks will outlive the outdoorsy sporty folk :-)

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Yvonne June 30, 2011 at 6:55 am

You just became more famous(er), Kerry! You’ve given us sloths yet another reason for skipping work! :) Your name will forever be remembered in the annals of “100 reasons to skip work and feel good about it.”

I always hated making those phone calls!

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JL June 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Kerry, you have a very very twisted mind. Love it.

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Denise Spurlock July 1, 2011 at 8:53 am

Hilarious! My son, who is a zombie aficionado, will have a new appreciation for genealogy.

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Linda Gartz July 1, 2011 at 9:30 am

This hilarious post strikes a chord with both my boys. As I mentioned when i first found your blog, my older son took one look at my massive ancestor photo wall (100 pictures) and said, “There’s a difference between you and me. You like dead people.” So see–I immediately felt a kindred to your sensibilities. Second, my younger son and his buddies truly do believe the Zombies are coming (He studies “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead” by Max Brooks (Genealogists: buy it here http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Books/lm/R269A88Y8L4SCJ). I’m ready — both with my natural nerdy-genealogy mindset-protection, and the best book on the market for survival! Thanks for your latest comment!

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Maggie July 13, 2011 at 6:39 pm

You inherited your gift of writing and your humor from somewhere ! Great !

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