8 Theories on the REAL Reason for the Ancestry.com Outage

Ancestry DDoS attackHave you heard? Crackpot theories are the new black. I’m all about the new black, so I’m deciding what my crackpot theory on Ancestry’s outage should be. Please choose your favorite:

  1. Smoke monster from Lost. They never fully explained that thing, but I feel like he would somehow be anti-genealogy. Like that one cranky relative you have, but smokier.
  2. Aliens (specifically, aliens who are pissed that Mundia is going away and want revenge, which is a real theory that I have actually seen people non-ironically share)
  3. Voldemort. Because genealogists love talking about how to get The Youth involved, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that The Youth like Harry Potter stuff.
  4. Ancestry is secretly building the Death Star, which is where they keep their servers. Luke Skywalker totally used The Force and closed his eyes and blew the whole thing up. That was dumb, though, because where is he going to research his family history when he finds out Darth Vader is his father? Duh.
  5. That one time when I’m pretty sure I saw Tim Sullivan on the grassy knoll
  6. Ninja assassins wearing blue FamilySearch.org shirts. Naturally, they were very polite and cleaned up after themselves afterward.
  7. Somebody accidentally unplugged the server in order to plug in a Crock-Pot for the Ancestry potluck. It sucked, but the meatballs were delicious.
  8. The ghost of somebody’s grandma who is sick and tired of people copying that one crappy tree where they have her married to her own son. I’m kind of rooting for Ghost Grandma on this one.

All joking aside, the people who work on this sort of thing have had a pretty crappy week. Thank you, Ancestry attack-fighting employees, for your hard work. There are thousands of us out here who really appreciate it. If I were wealthy, I’d buy you each a cupcake and a Haters Gonna Hate t-shirt.

 

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